she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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