She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
