when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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