He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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