I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
