Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
