3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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