Just cropdusted the office
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
