I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
