just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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