hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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