1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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