and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
so much tequila, so little girl.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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