Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
