I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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