I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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