sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
