You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
