She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
