We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
