Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
