She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
