So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
