i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
