i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
