I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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