Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
