I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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