I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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