i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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