Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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