This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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