I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
