Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
