"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
