I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
