What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
