I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
