I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
