it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
