plz talk dirty to me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
