Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
