apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
