Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
