the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
