Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
