you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
