I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
