I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
