He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
