Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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