I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
