A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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