i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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