Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
