I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
