so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
