3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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