I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
