I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Are we still banned from the library?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
