you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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