saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
