so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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