Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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