You really coming over, don't trick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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