I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
