physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
