I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you still have your period?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
