i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
