the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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