Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
