C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
