but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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